bits and pieces, stitched with love

I got an incredible care package from my sister and mom last week!

The contents included two kits for holiday food I crave – pumpkin bread and fudge.  Before I even fully realized that soon I would be eating PUMPKIN BREAD and FUDGE, I just stood there marveling at the packaging itself.

“In the States, they actually put all the ingredients together for you?!?  In a box?!?  Pre-measured?!?”

I’ll be honest that lately I’ve been idolizing life in the States.  And by that, I mean a pre-packaged life – the sort you could buy at Target.  Caroline-in-a-box.  I’ve wanted a life where everything coordinates, makes sense and has met all necessary safety standards.   Ideally, this life would come in a lovely gift box with a ribbon and gift tag.

Here you are Caroline – a nice, predictable life.

None of us have this luxury, do we.  I suppose at the end of the day, none of us would choose a life that was designed by a mega-store anyway.  But maybe we each know what it feels like to want to settle down into a life where you can just breathe a sigh of relief and say, “Aaah, this is me.”

I haven’t felt much like me lately.

Maybe it’s adjusting to married life.  Maybe it’s adjusting to life in Kenya.  Maybe it’s just being 32 and still wondering what I want to be when I grow up.

I tried to articulate this to my friend Jessie over lunch today, and she gave a marvelous analogy that I will try to repeat in some understandable form…

She explained that when living overseas, you really have to stitch a life together.  It’s sort of like making a crazy quilt.  There are all sorts of fabrics of all shapes, sizes and colors.  On their own, they don’t amount to much.  But together, you have something colorful that provides warmth and covering.  It may not be the fabrics or patterns that you would choose, but somehow they all come together.  You make adjustments.  In time, you find yourself content.

You feel like yourself.

I remember doing this in China – making friends from around the world, learning to cook in a tiny oven, decorating an apartment, stumbling through a new language.  I stitched together a crazy quilt of a life that I loved.  It wasn’t anything like my life in the States, but I felt like me.

Three years ago, Dave began quilting a life for himself here in Nairobi.  (For those of you who know him, isn’t it funny thinking of him making a quilt?  But I digress…)  It took time and work, but now he’s got this colorful life that covers what he needs to enjoy living here.  Friends.  Frisbee.  Softball.  Poker nights.  Work.  Travel.  Work travel.  Overall, it’s been a good fit.  It suits him.

Then almost a year ago, I started quilting a Nairobi life too.  I pulled in different pieces from here and there and began stitching them together.  Friends.  Safaris.  Cooking adventures.  Jobs.  Swimming lessons.  All through the year, I’ve added pieces to this quilted Kenyan life of mine.  But there are still some gaps and holes – it’s not a great fit just yet.

Dave freely offered his quilt to me when we got married.  But a quilt made for one isn’t meant to keep two people warm.  I’ve attached my half-sewn creation with all its holes and ratty edges too.  We’ve been adding new pieces on together, and that’s been the most fun of all.  Travel.  Dinner parties.  Movie nights.  Fierce games of Dutch Blitz.  Church involvement.  Soon we’ll celebrate our first Christmas together as a married couple.  The quilt we share is expanding and starting to cover what it takes for us to share a life.

It seems a bit early to be thinking of 2012 when we haven’t even celebrated Christmas yet.  But next year, I really want to enjoy the ride.  I want to appreciate this colorful, crazy quilt life we’ve got here in Kenya, rather than longing for a predictable life instead.  I want to be thankful thankful thankful for this one-of-a-kind life I get to share with my one-of-a-kind man.

And hopefully soon I’ll be able to sit down and breathe, “Aaah, this is me.”

Advertisement